Thank you for joining in!

I am The Shadow Ren and your new best friend
Coming at ya live
As long as you’re 5 by 5

Because the signal can not
will not, should not, could not
be stopped or bought or fought 

Here at the church of the holy and the damned
We fight against the man, man

Here we pray to the Jesus of Suburia
And leave our offerings for Chester
The patron saint of “I tried to tell ya”

And while some of those that work forces
Are the same that burn crosses
we’ve been slaying and praying
and grinding to beat their bosses

So come with me and you’ll see
what its like all around our nation
the injustice you’ll find
will defy explanation

There are a lot of things going on in the world, there always was and always will be. But getting older now has made me realize how angry I should be at the issues in my own country.

Each day I wake up wondering what crazy thing has happened now. The line between the truth and fictional satire is blurred and at times indistinguishable.

My idols are dead and my enemies in power, but don’t worry the resistance is alive. So I leave you today with just something small I wrote

The lord is not my shepard
for I am not a sheep
and while you sleep, I weep
for the sheep are in charge
and though we may be many
they are large

Words of wisdom…
touch not a catt bot a targe

Me and mine both have struggled with different types of anxiety and depression. Use to be every weekend though, we would go to LAN parties for Halo night. We were always busy and always going.

But that stopped. People get older, priorities change, you get put on the back burner or just just realize how shitty some of the people you were friends with, really were.

And all that can be a harsh self confidence hit. So then what?

Oh, I know! I’ll play online! People of all ages, races, and cultures joining together to have fun in the good spirit of competition. What could go wrong?


Oh that’s what can go wrong.

So it’s like a minefield of insults and elitist bullshit.

I understand that not everything is like this, my point is just that a lot of it is. And for someone with anxiety it makes the whole pastime seem completely unapproachable.

I want to play PVP as well as PVE, I want to have a good time, I want the same loot and rewards as everyone else.

But that’s kinda hard when people like me are hyperventilating while trying to psych themselves up just to hit the A button to join.

There seems to be a lack of causal play in fps. I don’t mind being killed. I just don’t want to be ran up on with a shotgun and then tea-bagged because that douche thinks they’re cool. I don’t want to be sniped as soon I spawn. Over and over and over and then getting a message saying to “git gud” What happened to GG and good sportsmanship?

Maybe FPS isn’t the way to go. I’ll just still play PVE but just ignore PVP for a bit.


What’s next?

Omg! Pokemon Go! Augmented reality of a game I’ve been playing for years that brings beloved Pokémon into my world?



…Not much going on here. And…

So close but yet so far

So close but yet so far

This^ this exactly

I don’t go out a lot. I work from home. I don’t have a car or license and as I said, my husbando & I both have anxiety issues that have only gotten worse after the unpleasantness of me losing a job about two years ago.

We just kinda withdrew from the world and stayed there. By there, I mean our house;  with our Xboxs, and our cat.

(which I love him, our cat, and our Xboxs a lot, don’t get me wrong)

But the friends I stay connected with over Facebook are meeting up, going out and combining games with friends and even exercise.
Sounds like a great deal!



Yeah I’m still here.

Things I feel

  • We aren’t wanted
  • We would be singled out as outsiders
  • Someone would bring up a touchy subject that would cause more anxiety
  • Massive guilt for not going and giving people a chance
  • Like a failure at any given point for any given reason
  • Worry about what people think
  • Worry I’ll look back with regret
  • Worry that my stress makes someone else stress worse


Now imagine all of this swirling around my mind and that plus more in my husband’s mind and that’s what happens every time there’s an event or some reason to leave.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way,  but I think most other people get over it at least enough to meet up with friends when these times come up.

My point is, you or someone you know probably feels this way too.  If it’s someone you know, more than likely think they are just rude or shitty people when in reality they are going through a lot of things to even get up in the morning.

All people need to do better. (Me included.) Be better friends. Make friends feel included and wanted. Show interest in things you know they do. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Extroverts and introverts need to work together.

Don’t be that douche on PVP that feels the need to be the best fucking alpha dog and tea bag people.

Or that person on forums who’s first response is something rude, racist, sexist, or any combination of the words git, gud, scrub, or just any other insult that IRL would get you a hate speech charge.

Wait, wait, wait, hold up.

Let me go ahead and nip this in the bud too.

This is not a “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” situation. This is more of a “just don’t be a dick” situation.

No, I don’t expect anyone to act as if people are made of glass. I’m not suggesting wearing kid gloves when dealing with every person in world.

You probably think I want things to be like a hippie kids soccer game where they don’t keep score and everyone gets a trophy. Nope, that doesn’t solve anything either in my opinion. What I’m saying, is maybe don’t go push the worst kid into the dirt and yell at them. That doesn’t seem too hard. Or maybe I just expect too much out of the general public.



I’m actually exploding inside

I apologize if this post is a little all over the place. My feeling on these matters, as you might assume, are very passionate.

I love games. I also have a lot of issues. These two facts don’t always see eye to eye.

To be honest a lot of these feeling were brought up by Pokemon Go. It seems to strange. The world starts doing things I think are amazing, but I’m so deep in this hole the world put me in I can’t get out to enjoy it.

In the end, games are great at bringing people together. It’s just a little harder for some. And there’s always one asshole who just wants to make things even harder instead of helping a community. If you are not that asshole, keep up the good work!

Keep being a friend to the people who you meet IRL and online. We all fight different battles, but we should at least be able to team up once in awhile.

(shout-out to Josh, who is my best teammate ever)

From the bottom of my heart, GG!

For those who don’t know I am a giant fan of Neil Gaiman.


How could you not be a fan?

Even got him to tweet me writing advice once.

His words of wisdom- Finish things.

This may seem like ambiguous trifling, but honestly it’s something so simple that it’s easily forgotten.

Most the time when I’m dealing with writers block,  it’s not because I can’t think of anything – it’s because I have too many thoughts.


Actual Photo

I never really think about finishing things.  I think about the start,  I over think the middle,  and then…profit?

So I stop.

I zone out.

I read,  I watch,  I talk to friends,  I converse with my husband. (These are good things)

But to be honest,  I am on my phone too much.  Reading references. Finding definitions, true meanings and speculations. Looking at pictures on pinterest for inspiration. (Not as great things)


Funny thing is, I found this pic on pinterest

Does drowning myself in content equate to the ability to churn out best sellers?


So why the fuck do I keep doing it? (I’m sure husbando would love to know)

Mainly because I like to learn.  I’m not trying to melt my brain into goo. I’m trying to take in a massive of amount of data that I can use to make my own output.

Crowd sourcing my thought process. But this is a flawed logic on my part. And I’m just now getting this. 

So what does any of this mean?  Well mainly is just me venting. But a bigger picture is, I do plan on finishing things.  My thoughts,  my projects, my goals. I want to get to the end and actually  feel completed, sans the bullshit filler.

So people,  I ask for you to join me in this.  Find something you are working on and passionate  about,  and finish it.  If it doesn’t work out, do it again.


Need help?  Ask someone.  Talk to people.  Just share yourself with the people your close to. 

Time is never on your side,  so stop being perfectionist or procrastinator just finish things and then, go on to the next. 

So here I go…off to finish my book…here I go…


I’ll go ahead and say this post is a work in progress.

Not only because there will be lot of mods coming available and to try in the future but, as usual, launches of updates like this never go smoothly.


But here’s what we’re working with-

“You can now browse and search for the latest and greatest Mods, choose your favorites, post feedback, and install them – all within the game. Simply select Mods from the main menu, and start browsing. You can also browse through mods online on Bethesda.net.”

First official post about the update being up was at 3ish on Tuesday, two hours later and things still were not loading.

How it works is you go to Bethesda.net on the internets and make an account, then sign into that account on your Xbox One.

And that’s where the issues were starting. After logging into the account, then viewing the mods, most of the time it would quickly kick you back to the first screen and you would have to start again.

Or it would just stop working entirely…stupid servers.


But we (my husband and I) did get a few things to work.  Him more than I. He’s more persistent. I just played Pokemon instead while watching him.


I’ll just wait here

My favorites at first glance are the ones that I feel should have been part of the game anyway. Dialogue options showing the exact thing you will say. More hair styles, building types, and radio banter. Nights being darker and lights being brighter.

I mean, I have to hand it to the mod creators. I give them massive credit and respect.



Thank you!

There have been some issues reported-

  • Saves deleted
  • Infinite load screens
  • “Mod no longer available”
  • Not being able to run
  • I turned invisible

But anyone who had modded anything before knows that things can be wonky.


A bloody mess

New stuff is being added all the time but so far here’s some really great ones to look into. Most here are self explanatory.

heres what i found

  • Darker nights
  • Waving flag poles
  • Reneers close that door (settlers close doors!)
  • Track your companions
  • Better settlement crafting (crafting requirements make more sense)
  • WET water enhancement
  • Full dialogue interface
  • Companion infinite ammo
  • Unified clothing overhaul (wear things and different things at the same time)
  • Locksmith lock your doors (lock those pesky settlers out of your house)
  • Better item names
  • Bunker 13
  • Atomic radio
  • Everyone’s best friend (carry Dogmeat +1)
  • Enhanced blood texture
  • Snap’n build
  • Unofficial fallout 4 patch
  • Cheat menu portable holotape
  • Lowpolys-Settlement Furniture (prewar stuff)
  • Non Euclidian Paintings of the Horrorwealth (awesome artwork)

Check them out here

Want synth eyes? Want to be a ghoul? Want Maccready (or any other follower) to be 70% hotter? All possible!

Thank you literallybyronic

Thank you literallybyronic


Josh, Dogmeat, and hot Piper

Slides of some of what I’ve done so far-

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Bunk 13 is pretty great. I’m guessing the maker has a slight case of OCD because everything is very organized and separated.

Best thing to do is to go read comments of the ones you are interested and check out the forums.

I’ll be posting updates as I try out more things. PS4 mods are coming next month but I will only have Xbox One info as it’s all I have.

Only other thing I will say right now, is to make sure you check the notes and instructions for the mods and pay attention to what other mods or dlc it may require and what load order to put them in.



Link  —  Posted: March 14, 2016 in Games
Tags: , , ,

In case you missed it, Dying Light first came out January 27th 2015.


An open world-first person-survival-four player co op-zombie-full day/night cycle-parkour-weapon crafting…game.


I didn’t give this as much love and hype as it deserved when it came out. Even I could have sworn I did a review for it when it first came out,  but nope.

There were already three DLCs added earlier (Cuisine and Cargo, Ultimate Survivor Bundle, & The Bozak Horde) but what I really want to talk about is The Following and this patch>>>


Key features listed on The Following-


Let me say,  for this game,  buy the season pass, it’s well worth it.

I’ll admit, when I first got this game.  I didn’t play this game long at all. Only because other things came out around the same time, no disrespect it.

So my save file wasn’t substantial at all.  I was well below the recommended level of 12. But since co-op is an option, I just hired a bodyguard. (ie Co-op with the husbando)


Yeah, help may be needed

The buggy and buggy upgrades are the best thing.


Be prepared to see this a bunch





There are also different paint jobs you can find around the map.

I haven’t found many so far, but as they said, it is a big map and there are over 40 to choose from.

Want something else to do? Try a race or other trial around the map.


Bonus info-Crossbow! Look at me, I’m Daryl

Wreck, loose it or get it stuck?


Just find one of these, reset it, and you’re good to go

It is super satisfying to run through a horde full force or just to do doughnuts in a field. And the sounds! The sounds are great.

Check out this video the guys put up about how they got the great effects.


These people really seem to care about their game.  All the additions and improvements, you can really tell.

The AI is better, new movements noticeable, facial features are enhanced. Which is really nice. Its always disappointing when a game has a long list of fixes that you can never really notice a change.

Another thing added that I really enjoy is the Post Process Effect Customization…(picture filters) while its not recommended that you play the game with one of these on (I tried, my  eyes freaked out fairly quickly) they are really great for capturing photos.


All this and I haven’t even really mentioned the story yet.

Wiki sum up-

“Protagonist Kyle Crane learns from a survivor that cultist groups living outside the infected-filled quarantined city of Harran have successfully controlled the virus. With the Tower running short on Antizin and Camden’s efforts to produce a cure still unsuccessful, Crane decides to go investigate this supposed immunity. He heads out to the countryside, where he discovers that many of the survivors out there have converted to a religious cult called the Children of the Sun, who worship the Mother which is apparently the source of their immunity to the virus”


Yeah, not weird at all. But so far so good with this story. Of course there the normal go here, go there, do this, do that. Although there is enough context and good characters to not mind. And of course zooming around on the buggy doesn’t hurt.

If you don’t happen to have the game already, do yourself a favor and get the Enhanced Edition.


$60.00 for the base game and the DLC that’s been released. Not bad at all.

So enjoy massacring zombies…and while were on the subject, hopefully you’ve been watching this-




Zombies, Dune Buggies, and Dismemberment galore!

Image  —  Posted: February 25, 2016 in Games, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I fucking love dinosaurs.


Next Tattoo?

Mix dinosaurs and a crafting/building/survival game, I am all in!

Really. Like I feel not much more explanation should be needed but for the hope that I can get a few more people to join this game, I will hype some more.

An action-adventure survival video game that was first available as an early preview on the PC back in June 2015 then added to Xbox one in December.



  • Food, Water, Temperature & Weather
  • Harvest, Build Structures, Paint Items, Dinos and Yourself
  • Plant, Farm & Grow
  • Tame And Benefit From Numerous Creatures
  • Learn to Craft more Items with Engrams
  • RP Oriented Custom Cooking System!
  • Collect Precious Artifacts In Dangerous Caves
  • Summon The Ultimate Life Forms
  • Advanced Tribe System
  • Hardcore Game Mechanics
  • Explore And Discover
  • Large-World Persistence And Meta-Universe
  • Robust Steam Workshop Mod Support and dedicated DevKit
  • High-End Next-Gen Visuals
  • Host your own Dedicated Server.

Full release is set for June and I can’t wait.

So getting into the game itself; while multi-player servers are an option for you to join…I’m antisocial and don’t care for griefers, I just played alone to begin with.

You spawn naked and afraid. And let me say, please pay attention to your spawn zone when you first get it. There are a ton of options, here are a few suggestions for at least when you are just starting out.

  • Make Sure Difficulty Isn’t Too High
  • Shorten Night Time A Schoch
  • Harvest Amount ^
  • Taming Speed ^
  • Spawn In A Easy Zone!

My first couple of spawns did not go great at all. It was only a few seconds before I was face to face something far larger and far angrier than me.



Shown here tamed for safety

Ok alone is not the way to go…

This is where that extra Xbox comes in handy. (Note that this part is not necessary, you can just co-op play joining a friend but this does have a set back, you can only move a certain distance from the host)

Set up server-bing bang boom-

Join with husband and friend-


Josh showing off the newest build

old house

Ok this is better.


As you can see having friends does help. I’m unsure how great the community is, so I would however recommend playing on your own some before jumping into the public.

There’s a lot to do! You can go from a stone spear to an assault rifle. From eating berries to having a fridge (yes, a refrigerator) stocked with yummy jerky. From cowering in fear to being king of carnos and rexs.



Speaking of-the real highlight here are the dinos and other prehistoric creatures.

in dinoin dinos 3

Over 50 different species. Many many tame-able and most serving different uses.

IE doedicurus for stone, mammoth for wood, frog for killing bugs.

Maybe it’s just me, but I find it pretty effin cool.  I felt like a giddy kid walking beside a bronto the first time


and was throwing out Jurassic Park quotes whenever I could.


They have even more things planed, here are just some of the great steps in the weird evolutionary process that are being added.



One thing I haven’t explored yet are the bosses. As of now there are four.

bosses.pngAwesome, right? Unfortunately, only the Broodmother is on the Xbox summon-able by gathering certain artifacts and taking them to one of the the three mystical obelisks around the map.


So if you were curious as to why you spawn naked and afraid on a strange island with prehistoric creatures and an implant in your arm with these strange glowing obelisks around, here’s what the Official Wiki has to say-

STORY-This is an empty page so far. please post your theories on what the story of the Ark is.

GG, guys, GG.


So there it is guys, if your going to be buying a prehistoric survival game, do yourself a favor make is it this one. It’s a great deal for $35 considering how much time you can really spend in this game.


First let me say my rant isn’t about the fact that this is just a controller that’s price is almost as much as some systems.

My issue is I can’t %€#_=$€/£^¥ find one to €%$€%’*^( buy and I’m pissed as a  %$&’&”‘.


Really, I shouldn’t have to beg.

Chief marketing officer had this to say “Here’s the product we totally underestimated, if I could have built 10 times the number I built, I would have.”

Really Microsoft?!

You release something new and hyped about on 10/27, just when people are almost ready to start shopping for the holiday.

“Announced at e3 the controller boats hair-trigger locks, improved thumbs tick sensitivity and swappable compensation including two different D-pads. There is also button remapping”

Let’s take a look–






Oh what the shit?!

Current estimates are for as far put as March now. But still, how does this happen for a company this large?

It’s like it was set up to fail.

Now something that is in stock and available for purchase…


The bundle.

Yes, a 1TB ssd Xbox One and the new controller sold together for around $500.

Oh fine I guess I’ll just spend $500 on something I only wanted to spend $150 on.

You may think that was sarcasm, but sadly no, that’s my plan right now.

There were other reasons for that decision as well, but the main one being I can find another way of getting the controller without being ripped off by some 3rd party seller. So I guess I’ll just get the bundle.


Wait a minute…




What if that was their plan all along.

Tricky bastards.


What sources say.

What sources say.